This year ushers in infinite possibilities, as have all the years that came before it. This year brings with it a new feeling though, hesitation. I have always thrown myself headfirst into the oncoming year, leaped with abandon at the newness and the fresh possibilities that lie ahead. Not this time. I met yesterday's sunrise with pause, reflection, hesitation. This year could not possibly be like the last? Could it? Would it?
I spent the better part of the month in celebration- we started school here, we did birthday outings and adventures... by the time my actual birthday rolled around I felt obligated to be still. Listen. Learn. Because if there is one thing birthdays have taught me, it is that no matter what- if I'm still breathing, they just keep coming. Life is hard, harder, hardest... and yet- here I am. Another year older. Another year completed. Another year gone.
As a mother it is easy to focus on the rapidly growing children at my feet, they age decades in moments and become new people seemingly each season that passes by. My changes are not as apparent. They mostly lie below the surface, deep down inside of me, places I rarely go and places others never do. Nonetheless these changes are there... I am changing, sowing and reaping... my own harvest. Fall to fall.
And although I was met this birthday morning with hesitation, as the day wore on the familiar warmth of possibility crept in and as the first official day of my 32nd year came to a close, I was awash with potential. Happiness. Peace.
So here's to another year. I will rise up to meet it with hopeful, albeit slightly cautious, optimism. Happy birthday to me.
Darth Vader Birthday cake made for me by my sweet niece, Megan.
Birthday Pedicure with two of my girls, Lindsey and Sally Jo.
First day of school for big brothers... soon we'll have three sweater vests running around!